Problems with wedding finances!!!!!!?

[redrenontv]

Here's my situation: My girlfriend and i recently got engaged and its a big deal because we are both only children in huge families. Her parents of course are paying for the hall and the church and the other traditional expenses that the brides parents pay for. My parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and a few hotel rooms for out-of town guests. The problem were having is that her father is dipping into his retirement fund and her mom got a second job to fund this wedding while my parents are sitting back only having to fork out a few hundred dollars for the rehearsal dinner. They arent helping pay for the wedding,they arent paying for the honeymoon and this is SOOOOO not like my parents to just skip out on helping such a huge event in their lives too. My fiancee is now very hurt and heart broken that they arent helping and its causing her to not even want to do the wedding anymore. What do i do???...i'm just so torn : ( Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!
I'll add that we are both in our early 20's..i have a great job that pays the bills but she is still in school with no job.

[jdl_1984]

Well I totally feel for her. I was put in pretty much the same position, except NO ONE would help us so we ended up doing it for the cost of groceries, dress, and tux. It sucked.

But if I were I would just sit down with your parents and tell them how it is and you would GREATLY appreciate if they could help you out by paying for a few particular items.

Or you could bite the bullet and get a loan or push the date back and start planning this thing in like 2 years instead of a few months so then you guys can save and cover what your parent can't.

[Chakra]

Break the traditional rules, and help them pay half of the cost. It's heartbreaking to see her parents sacrificing so much for their daughter. Tell your parents what's going on (including their sacrifices), and ask if they are willing to cover the cost too. Like split the whole event 50/50. Really, some traditions are meant to be broken My husband and I both pay for our own wedding, without help from our parents. If you can't deal with issues such as this, how are you both going to face a more difficult situation in the future?

[Kmott]

Weddings are not cheap. You both are going to have to help pay for your own wedding especially since her parents don't have the funds and your parents are only paying for the rehearsal dinner. This may mean cutting things like instead of a grand banquet hall do the reception at a local community center, make the decorations yourself, cut the guestlists down to family and close personal friends. My fiance and I are going through this right now. My parents are helping a little and his parents are not helping at all even after we asked for help. They just don't have the money. The whole day is celebrating the union between you and your girlfriend. The only real thing you need for that is eachother and some family and friends. The rest is just un necessary things to throw your money away on but we all do it. I hope this helped. :0)

[chaoss13]

Umm...novel idea, why don't you 2 help out? When I get married, I'm on my own to pay for it, and I accept that and will do so gracefully.
Honestly, the whole "traditional" thing only happens in the more "fortunate" income level families any more.
I know it's expensive, but you gotta plan and budget it right. You're letting your families run the tab, which is horrible. You're getting married, time to grow up and learn how to make things right.

[Angela O]

Sorry but I have to get in line with the majority of the opinions so far...

PAY FOR IT YOURSELVES!!!

You two can both get second jobs instead of her mom having two (OMG)!! You two can have a smaller wedding instead of having her father use his retirement savings (OMG). You two are adults ready to make an adult committment, do the adult thing and pay for your adult wedding yourselves!

[monicanena]

Newer wedding planning books offer a variety of options for splitting wedding costs. Go to the bookstore, find one you and your fiancee agree upon (there will be checklists saying which family pays for what - you can find one that's split 50/50) and present it to your parents. Let them know that this is customary now, and see how everyone reacts.

OR, you can do what my brothers both did when they got married. Each set of parents gave them a specific amount of money toward the wedding - an amount no one else knew about. Then, they pooled the money and threw their weddings that way. It worked beautifully. There were no hard feelings, and no one spent more than they could afford.

[phantom_of_valkyrie]

If the two of you want to ask your parents, you should sit down with them and ask. Otherwise your parents have to deal with many of their friends and family being cut to accommodate a smaller guests list. However they aren't required to chip in. They are doing what is traditional. You can't expect them to read your fiancee's mind and know she's upset.

Everyone has a wedding budget and everyone has to try and plan a wedding within that budget. It's hard but if she's worried about their retirement fund and her mother having a second job, she should plan a smaller less expensive wedding. Or the two of you should save up and add to that fund. It doesn't have to be a grand, $25,000 affaire.

[Blunt]

Yes, I have advice:

Pay for it YOURSELF. Your parents have no responsibility whatsoever to pay for the wedding and is irresponsible at best for hers to dip in to their retirement fund (!!!) to fulfill their "little girl" dreams.

What about being responsible, grown adults and get a second job BOTH OF YOU and be considerate to your parents for godsake. You are not entitled to anything just because you are getting married. That was your decision to get married and your parents have been more than generous to foot the bill for what they are traditionally expected to pay for. They owe you NOTHING....

Good luck

[melouofs]

As grown adults, you should not be allowing the parents to pay, espically if they need to take the money out of their retirement fund to do so. That just isn't right. Pay for the kind of wedding you can afford to pay for on your own. Neither she nor you are little children, and you need to realize this is YOUR wedding, and therefore, YOUR expense to cover.

I know that traditionally parents paid for the wedding, but that was in the 1950's when wedding were much less elaborate and also when the couple were very young and the woman didn't work. Those days are over.